The Smooth Traffic Five Car Garage

You probably already know that we at Smooth Traffic have our very own unique five car garage. Here are the entries into the Smooth Traffic five car garage that should cover you for some rather interesting – or downright peculiar – situations.



The perfect car for date night has to fulfill a particularly difficult set of criteria. It’s got to be supremely comfortable, quiet enough to have a good conversation in, stylish but not over the top, and of course – it’s got to have adequate rear seating.

Winner: Rolls-Royce Dawn (allegedly)

Jonny: “There’s no doubt the Rolls-Royce Dawn is the perfect date night car. Comfort, luxury, serenity, and good old-fashioned open top romance, hopefully.”

Ben: “Quite frankly a daft choice, but I couldn’t think of a good alternative so reluctantly had to give in. I still haven’t bothered to think of another date night car. The Peugeot 106 I owned 8 years ago worked for me, so what more do you need?!”

Rob: “The only car in the garage that is still a topic for discussion. However, who are we to argue with Smooth Traffic’s own lothario, Jonny Edge? He thinks he knows what women want in a car, though pub-based surveys have not come out in his favour…”



Your mother’s concern doesn’t always go well with cars. For example; you can’t have a hybrid, because it will “go wrong”.  You also can’t have anything fast because you’ll die and God help you if your car is uncomfortable because you’ll never hear the end of it. Stuck with ideas for this tricky situation? Don’t worry, Smooth Traffic has you covered.

Winner: Honda HR-V

Jonny: “Solid, dependable, smart, and unspectacular. The Honda HR-V won’t set anyone’s world on fire, and that’s why your mother will love it.”

Ben: “It’s a great car, albeit not that exciting. Perfect to take your Mum to the shops. The decision was even easier thanks to the rubbish suggestion by Jonny.”

Rob: “An obvious choice, solving all of the ‘problems’ that your mother probably thinks exist with most cars. Little does she know that you can poke your head out of the sunroof like a meerkat…”



Wickes is the home of the original hard bastard – the DIY geezer. You only go to Wickes if you’ve got some serious DIY to do, none of this lightweight flatpack assembly bollocks. You’ve got a patio to build and a wall to knock down, you might even be doing both at the same time. Rawlplugs by the 100’s, nails by the 1000’s, and an entire assortment of hitting/screwing equipment those soft touches at Homebase can only dream of. Naturally, your car needs to be something imposing, something mean, and something with serious load space. Who’s the biggest bastard in the car park this Sunday?

Winner: Mercedes-Benz G63 AMG 6×6

Jonny: “Just look at it. What else do I need to say?”

Ben: “As close as you can get to a road legal tank. Nobody is going to question your DIY skills if you turn up in that.”

Rob: “Trust me to pick a concept car, but who could argue with the 6×6 (or would even risk trying!?!)”



We’ve all been in a football team at one stage or another. We’ve all had to deal with the logistical nightmare that is getting the team from the meeting point to the big game. Actually, not all of us have had to do that, but Smooth Traffic’s very own Robert King, master of the 30yrd own goal, has. Did he suggest the perfect car for your five-a-side football team though?

Winner: Dodge Ram

Jonny: “Ok, Ben has a point with this one. The Dodge Ram has got this covered, it’s a big ol’ lump of American steel with a handy open load space to throw a few balls and a multi-pack of oranges into. It’ll do.”

Ben: “A great choice, but I would say that. Plenty of space, intimidating, and wouldn’t struggle on a boggy football field car park. Plus you can air your smelly boots in the back on the way home.”

Rob: “Enough seats for the whole team (minus the primaJonny who drives himself), plenty of room in the back for the kit, and a surprisingly comfortable interior. Ben chose well.”



Cornwall is a desolate but popular province of the UK dotted with warren-like coastal villages. Cornwall is also a horrendous place to drive if you’ve got anything bigger or flashier than a rusty G-reg Fiesta. With that in mind, we’ve come up with something perfect for the job.

Winner: Volkswagen up!

Jonny: “The Volkswagen up! is the best smoothest small car out there. Stylish, practical (for a little thing), and bloody good fun to chuck around. It’ll also be fairly cheap to fix when somebody swipes one of your wing-mirrors off down near the harbour.”

Ben: “We love the up! It’s great in many ways and we really couldn’t think of a better car. One of the rare 5 car garage cars that actually deserves its place.”

Rob: “As much as I enjoyed setting Jonny up for a fall with this one, it’s in the garage on merit. No other car is so universally appreciated by the 3 of us.”